The Phillips Pham: Did I really just say that in front of a cute guy?

I think that probably phrase probably crosses my mind too many times, but I just can't help it. My thoughts are like freestyle rap coming out of my mouth, I talk too much.

One fine example...

Blake and I were doing the usual evening feed-bathe-put-the-kids-to-bed-dance that takes up most of the evening, then there's "Did the dog go out?", "Turn on the alarm", "Wait, turn it off, the sprinkler is on", "Did you brush your teeth" (I'm like a two year old and need to be reminded) And THEN we flop down in bed. And here come the dreaded words..

"Hurry up, let's watch Swamp People before I have to pump (milk, that is)" What? What did I just say that? Blake just looked at me and laughed "I never thought I'd hear those words from my blushing bride!" I don't think he really thought any more about it, but I did.

Blake and I are just about a month shy of our 5 year wedding anniversary and after these incredibility sexy words flew out of my mouth I started thinking about life five years ago. Evenings were spend doing whatever we wanted to be doing, dinner at anytime we wanted, weekends sleeping late, spending hours at the gym, etc. All these memories rushed through my mind and I look over at Blake, five years older, five years later, five years wiser. And already asleep at 9:00 PM. And I realize again how lucky I am.

Blake works 14-16 hour days. Every few nights on call, up all night. He doesn't elaborate on work much. When I can pry a story out of him they are mostly sad, difficult situations, with iffy outcomes. But when he walks in the front door he's all Daddy. He puts his keys down scoops up an excited Avery and jiggles one of Will's chubby little feet, and then listens to Avery and I babble on about the 'important' details of our day...how long we were at the pool, the rude lady at the grocery store, you know- 'important things'. He plays with Avery until dinner is ready or eats dinner in five minutes if he's missed eating with us and then he plays with Avery until bath, he takes Will and plays with him while I get Thing One cleaned up, then to Avery's room where we read books, say her prayer, and tuck her in. Then he usually spends some time reading about the surgeries for the next day.

I sit there and look at him- he has one hand on Will, who is dozing beside him. Even in slumber, he's all about his family. There is a tiny part of me that longs for those carefree days when we were closer to 20, not about to turn 30. Night owls because we wanted to be, not because we had a sick child, or our epileptic dog who has to get a midnight bath after a seizure. Those were the days right?

They were then, but I think they would feel empty now. I love Blake more today than I ever could have imagined five years ago. The things I fell in love with are all still there- his happy, smiling eyes, his happy-go-lucky attitude- but now I have so much more to love him for. I wonder how all the memories between now and twenty years- fifty years will make me feel. Better everyday...I wonder what things will fly out of my mouth then that he'll laugh about while I'm sitting wondering where my thought filter went...

A few picture through the years.

My 24th Birthday